It’s true. Everyone has a story. Lately, many have asked me: “what’s your story?” Over 20 years ago, I was able to articulate with great fervor the experiences in my life that shaped my personal narrative. Upon invitation, I shared my story at local outreach events and during special church programs. That was twenty years ago! Nowadays, when invited to speak, my trite response is “my story is still being written.”
I don’t speak. I won’t speak.
I have lost the zeal to publicly disclose details of my life that I have since buried. Yes, my story is still being written; but what about those moments in my life, that I conquered, that could give hope to others—if I only shared it? As someone told me recently, “sharing your story isn’t about benefitting you, it’s to benefit others.”
Nine Lives is a narrative poem that was published in my first collection of poetry: Fruit of My Womb. Over twenty years later, I realize that every aspect of my story is meant to be shared. It is my responsibility to find a way to craft the narrative of who I was then, with who I am now and who I plan to be in the future. I am proud of the woman I was then and proud to share her with the world now.
This is my resurrection.
Nine Lives
It was never mentioned if her birth brought
tears of joy and mirth
or hearts filled with pain and sorrow,
for the girl who gave birth to her was barely a woman
and just as her childhood ended
a new one was beginning.
The question was raised,
can this new life strive and survive?
The answer of course,
the Kat was born with Nine Lives.
Childhood was hard,
yet coming of age was harder.
There was so much to learn
and more to explore.
Each door that opened held surprises and
behind door number one stood a man disguising
his true self under a cloak of love and kindness.
This new life that had come of age,
was raped of youth and innocence
that can never be regained.
Hurt and betrayed the question was raised,
can this new life strive and survive?
The answer of course,
the Kat was born with Nine Lives.
Closed in a shell for so long,
the time had come to move on
and leave the past behind where it laid.
Now a woman, it was time to take a mate.
Would the second time be different?
Could it be considered new?
Well, it’s a woman’s prerogative to do as she chooses.
The act was disappointing, not at all what was expected
but in this time and age, nothing can be perfect.
Perfection
often attempted
but never achieved
From innocence lost to strength regained,
the quest for perfection led to a stigma of shame.
Shame that caused an individual once proud and dignified,
to hang her head and weep,
for engaging in a deed with a man whose flesh bore a disease.
Broken and defiled, the question was raised,
can this new life strive and survive?
The answer of course,
the Kat was born with Nine Lives.
Cured,
reassured,
she was able to look in the mirror again and see
the beautiful woman that had come into being.
By her side stood a handsome man,
gallant and proud,
strong and carefree,
in her life he was all the man she would ever need.
But life is not planned and fate cannot be determined.
Soon the love they shared was torn apart by a system seeking justice
for a crime her beloved committed.
25 to life
Still he remained noble in her tunnel vision,
but she was beside herself with grief.
How could it be?
Perfection
often attempted
but never achieved
From innocence lost to strength regained,
shame obstructed and pride attained,
the quest for perfection led the way to self-destruction
years of self-hatred proved by acts of self-degradation.
Is it possible for this new life to strive and survive?
The answer of course,
the Kat was born with Nine Lives.
Down a harried road
blinded by pain,
he came along determined and sure.
With a firm hand he held her tight
and guided her like the father she never knew.
He gave her hope and made her smile.
Her life began afresh.
Day by day she became
happier,
lovelier,
livelier,
until one day she was able to stand alone
and no longer needed his hand to steer her
from the path of right and wrong.
Yet like the justice system imprisoning her lost love,
this father figure refused to let her go.
History repeats itself, especially when you have not learned
from past mistakes.
Raped of youth and innocence,
hurt and betrayed,
disappointed and discouraged,
ashamed and defeated,
until finally she was battered and beaten.
Would this new life strive and survive?
The answer of course,
the Kat was born with Nine Lives.
Never again will I fall victim to any man’s abuse.
I’m alive.
I thank God for listening to my cries.
The Lord blessed me with wisdom steered me with his guidance.
He embraced me with His perfect love.
Perfection
often attempted
but never achieved
Until the day when I meet my Lord in the skies,
no earthly man will measure up to my heavenly Father.
He makes me feel complete and because He shines through me,
I am more beautiful than I ever thought I could be.
The question was raised,
can this new life strive and survive?
the answer of course,
the Kat was blessed with Nine Lives.
